OMFG this sandwich is good

I don't know if you've ever heard my sister talk about the Gardenburger brand meatless riblets (I would link to that, since I'm sure she posted about it, but I'm too lazy to go through her posts and find it), but anyway just ask her what she thinks of them sometime.

I came over to her place one time when she was living a few blocks away from me on the west side of Chicago with Katie Werremeyer, and she was in the middle of a rant about these things. She had actually sat down and written a letter to the company because they were so good. I'm not kidding. This is the same sister that takes pictures of her food in public when it looks good. I do that too, but not in public. Though now I have a camera phone, so I might. She pulls out an actual camera with flash, in front of God and everybody and takes a shot. She'll stand up in the booth if she has to. I love her.

So I've known about these for a while, but tonight something hit me. A few weeks ago I broke down and went to McDonalds. Yes, you read that right. I've been McCrap free since I saw Supersize Me over a year ago. Actually, I hadn't been there for a while before that, so it had been about two years. But I just came out of a night class, had to go shopping because there was nothing at home, and was starving. Plus the McRib was back. Justify, justify, justify - I ate the fuckin thing. It was good.

As soon as I finished it, though, I remembered the Gardenburger rib thingies. DAMNIT, I coulda had one of those! They ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE MCRIB. Plus you don't have all that guilt/wonder about what exactly it was you just ate. It's not real food, you know. It's some sort of pseudomeat shaped to look like it has bones in it. That should bother you. A lot.

What I decided to do, and I finally remembered tonight to do it, is imitate the McRib exactly using Gardenburger riblets. Here's all there is to it: Get the Gardenburger riblets (buy two packages cuz there's only two in there and you will regret not having more in your freezer. Trust me.). Punch a couple holes in the plastic and put it on a plate and microwave it til it's bubblin. Cut the plastic open, slide it out onto the plate, then put a slice of swiss on there. I know, the McRib doesn't have cheese - this is better. I break the cheese longways so it covers the whole ribby. Mike it for 30 more secs. Now slide that onto a hoagie/french/sour dough roll. I put some extra BBQ on there cuz I'm all about the sauce. Use your favorite - the smokier the better cuz the sauce that comes on the ribby is smoky and delicious. Next put some sliced raw onion. Now, the crucial part. Pickles. I used Vlasic Ovals hamburger dill chips. If you don't use the right pickle you'll fuck it up. Go ahead, try Claussen and see if you don't hate it.

That's it. Eat the shit outta that and come back for more. And smile! You're screwing McDonald's out of money!!