Unemployment Project I: Speakers

My dad was not a guy who bought things. That is, not for himself. He spent the better part of his adult life trying to cater to my sister and my every whim, but wore the same pair of generic sneakers for ten years. So these speakers are pretty remarkable. In 1977 he bought a brand new pair of Bose 901 speakers. They weren't for me. Hell, I was only five. They were for him. They are one of the few expensive things he ever allowed himself (I think they retailed for about $1500 - in 1977). I'm really glad he did, because I still have them. They've outlasted the stereo and stereo cabinet they were bought with, as well as several more and most of the other physical possessions we ever had from that era, save my teddy bear. But Bear has been in storage for years now, whereas these have been used pretty much daily since I found them in the shed out back when I was in high school. I even brought them to college, and to every apartment I ever had in Chicago, and then to California when I moved here in 2003. They still sound spectacular, and are basically the same on the inside as the Bose 901 models sold today. The cabinets and stands, however, still screamed disco era dens and avocado kitchens. So I figured I'd give them an upgrade, especially considering that I was unemployed and needed something to do with my hands and my time.

So here we go:


This is actually pretty much an entire living room remodel (or redecorate at least). Those patches are where I filled in holes on my wall after taking down posters. The tv is new. It's the one expensive thing I've allowed myself, much like my dad and his speakers. It's a thing of beauty. My other one, a 27 inch tube job, was bought by my dad in 1991 and also travelled with me to college (where I dropped it and had to get it fixed) and then to Chicago (where it broke again and I got a tv repair guy to fix it for me for a bunch of cable I got from my job) and then to Cali. It weighed approximately 15,000 pounds. Getting your arms around it took 90 minutes. But that thing lasted 17 years.

Then it finally crapped out on New Year's Eve. So I figured if I'm going to buy a tv while unemployed, (and I am, mind you), then I might as well get one I won't want to trade in for a bigger one in two years. So I went hi-def and big screen. It's 52 inches of pure bliss. I probably should feel bad about it, but I don't. I'm not even going to pretend. I love it like my dad probably loved those speakers. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the speakers. You can see one in the corner above. It's got an almost orange stain to the wood, and the "grill" fabric is a rope thick enough to repel with. The stands are white, and scratched to hell and even rusted.

So I started by detaching the stands and sanding the wood on the boxes. I started doing this by hand and then quickly decided to go to Home Depot and buy a sander (which I promptly repackaged and returned when I was done - it is a recession you know):


Still took forever because of the detail, and because 32 years of stain is hard to get off, and because I think they used human blood in the stain back in the 70s. Anyway, it was a bitch.



Now, for the stain. I bought "ebony" which is pitch black and the darkest stain they make. Despite that, it took many, many coats to get it dark on the wood, and even then it only turned out a color that IKEA calls "espresso" (which turned out to be a good thing, since I ended up getting an end table that color and now they match almost perfectly).



Some of these were taken with my cell phone if my camera batteries were dead, so they're kinda blurry. Or maybe I was drunk. Unemployment and stain fumes will do that to ya. So will 2 bottles of wine.


That's better.

Now for the stands. I started by holding these between my legs and using the sander on them. They give you these little extra rough pads for "stripping paint." They don't do shit. After 41 hours of labor I had removed 2 square inches of nothing. Back to Home Depot. Now I could finally return the sander and buy some "Citristrip," an orange colored all-natural paint stripper. I applied it, and waited. Two hours later, nothing. I left it over night. Nothing. I left it on for another 36 hours, and finally all the paint curled up and came right off. Took its sweet ass time, but it worked. Then I hand sanded the little bits that the stripper couldn't get (that's what he said).



Cool huh.

Next I painted them black. This took several coats of glossy spray paint. I think I actually ended up using two cans. And some primer (don't have pics of that).


Next I sprayed clear gloss sealant over the stained wood on the boxes, then taped off the wood part so I could stain the fabric. I considered replacing it, but I'd have to take them apart and I wasn't gonna do that.


I tried like hell to dye the fabric, but applying the dye was a bitch. It would just fall through and not get much of the fabric. If I used a sponge, it sprayed everywhere and still didn't cover enough. So I said screw it, and spraypainted the fabric black. If you scratch it it will probably reveal a bright white (or dingy 70s yellowish that looks white next to the black). But as long as no one touches them they look pretty good.


Now to paint that wall...


It's called "Coach Lamp Copper." I was looking for something in a semi-grownup finish, and this seemed to fit the bill. Right now the tv is still sitting on the $30 bookcase I bought from Target in 1998 and spray painted black five years ago. Time to put that on the curb. The next day I discovered that someone had come by, smashed it to pieces, and left it there. Oh well, I tried. Time to wall mount that tv.

I did that all by myself, thank you very much. Don't you ever tell me I can't do something, you son of a bitch. It looks tiny in this photo, but it's huge in my apartment.

Then I put together the "espresso" coffee table.


Almost done! Next time: pillow dying and putting it all together with faggy candles. Right now it's time for bed.