They sell caskets at Costco. That's right, caskets. And, you can buy them online. In fact, caskets are their own category on the Costco website. This recent discovery has made me rethink my plans for the inevitable moment of my demise. I used to want to be cremated, but no longer. Now I want the Althea (item sku #830903). It's made of 32 oz. copper and retails for only $2,599. Shipping and handling are included. Sure, I could go for the Charles, but $4700.00 is a lot to pay for a casket. And the Ryan, at the bottom end of the scale ($1,999), to me just says "cheap." Besides, I can't hardly think of a name I'd rather spend eternity with than Althea. I mean, giving caskets people names was a stroke of genius, but whoever chose that one, well...let's just say I hope they got a promotion. He (or she) deserves it.
I think the man on the Quaker Oats box (or tube, to be more precise) is smiling that cryptic smile because he's watching witches burn. You take a good hard look at it and you tell me different.
Does anyone like the way the "L" in the corporate logo of "Staples" bends over at the top? I have to say I hate it. I think it was really, really stupid to do that. I know, it's supposed to be a stapler. That's not even creative, and there are much better ways of representing a stapler, if that's even what it's supposed to be. I would fire that person instantly. I would also say, at the top of my lungs when they brought it to me, "GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! YOU DISGUST ME!" That, or something like "IVAN, BURN THE INSOLENCE OUT OF HIS EYES." Something like that.
Another corporate logo that is an aberration in the eyes of God is that of computer retailer, Dell. A slanted 'e'. That's it. That's the best they could do. Come on, Michael Dell, you run the biggest computer company in the world. Get your head out of your ass and write a check to a design agency, for chrissakes. Unacceptable. There, I said it.
Well, this is just me procrastinating. I'm supposed to be studying for finals right now, and not for corporate hatred 101. So I'd better get back to it. Before I go, let me just say this. I'm nominating myself right now for "best first sentence of a blog, ever." And I didn't even make a joke involving the phrase "shop til you drop." Thank you, goodnight.
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5 comments:
This is the funniest thing I've ever read. Ever. Simply delightful. I'm going to go and burn my eyes out now, never to gaze on my inferior blog again.
Gene
I'm really glad I bookmarked this page, since I would have difficulty remembering "flungclodfeces" as a web address. My mind simply doesn't run in those channels of its own accord. Ha.
I'm gonna go buy a box, er, tube, of oatmeal so I can see if I stare long enough into that guy's eyes it'll make me learn to love corporate America. I seriously doubt it, but I'll give it a shot.
Thanks for my laughs today--even though I think you made it up about the caskets. I mean, a casket named Althea is simply ridiculous! (If you bury a man in the "Althea", do you have to rename it "Alistair"??)
Okay, I know it's finals week. But after that I WANT ANOTHER POST.
POST YOU BASTARD!
Okay, seriously. Now.
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