The Simpsons MLB Analogy

My brother in law (who is not a bitch, but a very upstanding human contrary to what I may have said two posts ago) sent me this today. I thought it was an interesting idea - but of course I have some criticisms. If you don't like baseball, this probably won't interest you. If you don't like the Simpsons, please kindly hurl yourself into space. You don't deserve to be here.

The Boston Red Sox: I certainly don't agree with "loved by everyone." I don't like the Boston Red Sox and never will. For one thing, I can never like a team in a red uniform. For me, being a Cubs fan, red is the color of evil. Wearing a red and white uniform in baseball is, to me, the equivalent of having a British accent in a Star Wars film. It means you're the bad guy. That feeling's been ingrained in me ever since I can remember. It is, after all, the color of the St. Louis Cardinals. Even after I moved to L.A., I started rooting for a team that wears blue (the Dodgers) and has a rival to the south that wears red and white - the Anaheim Angels. Coincidence? I think not. I'm not meant to like teams that wear red. Incidentally, I will never call the Angels the "Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim." That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Two other things. When they get a day in the Sun, they DO know what to do with it. Bostonians will never stop talking about it, just like I wouldn't if the Cubs won it all. So I don't fault them for that. And they did beat the Cards (and the Yankees), so for that I thank them. Lastly, Lisa Simpson doesn't play dirty.

Chicago White Sox: Are they bitter and jaded? They don't seem like it to me. Maybe their fans are, but that's only because they live on the poor side of town.

The rest are pretty good, but I take issue with the description of the Cubs. Now don't get me wrong, because Moe is actually my favorite character, both in the show and the video game Simpsons Road Rage. What other character in a video game says things like "So long, puke pail" and "Stop the car, or I'll punch you in the neck!" I love Moe. But I don't think it fits the Cubs.

First off, they're not "unloved by all but a select few patrons." I went to a Dodger game last Saturday where my friend and I were surrounded by Cubs Fans. We saw them on the way in, all around us in the stands, and on the way out. Wearing my Cubs shirt, I was greeted by most of them. I think they thought it was a little weird that I was also wearing a Dodgers hat, but whatever. "Jesus, dude, you guys are everywhere!" said my friend. It would have been understandable had the Cubs been playing. But it was the Dodgers and Mets. So you see, it's not "a select few."

I suggest that the Cubs are more like the one character the author of this article left out: Homer!

Chicago Cubs - Homer Simpson - A lovable loser who, despite his best efforts, can't seem to win. Some would even call him cursed. He takes pleasure in the simple things in life (donuts, beer/beating the Cardinals 3 out of 4) instead of grand success. He represents the working stiff and is regularly surrounded by drunks. Although he dissapoints them regularly, his friends and family remain rabidly loyal for some reason. Plagued by constant injuries. Works for the head of a tyrannical empire (C. Montgomery Burns/The Chicago Tribune) who never seems to have his best interests at heart. His uncaring boss knows he's providing a service the city can't live without, so he is unwilling to spend money on improvements. Though everyone seems to know he's bound to fail, he is watched and enjoyed all over the country every week.

Oh, and one more note to the author. There's no apostrophe in The Simpsons.