A Cubs blog. Largely due to the fact that I just got Tivo. Could I be taping all the Cubs games with my Video Cassette Recording Device? Yes. But have you ever taped something that happens every day? No. Unless you fall into BOTH of two categories: 1) someone who's actually bothered to figure out the programming of your VCR and 2) has done it on a complex level. For you see, the average VCR programming consists of setting the VCR to record a certain program at a certain time ONCE. Meaning, you won't be home next Friday night, because you got invited to a housewarming party and you think you'll be there late, so you set your VCR to record Battlestar Gallactica while you're out (who are we kidding, if you were actually taping that show you'd a) have nowhere to be on a friday night, b) not know anyone who owns a home, c) not plan to be out late, and d) already know how to program your VCR on a more complex level.) But you get the idea. A one time recording. By the way the new Battlestar Gallactica is quite good, and I Tivo it. Except they don't show enough of the Cylons. Less plot, more Cylons. Dorks like me aren't big on plot. Robots blowing shit up is what we want to program our VCR's to, goddamnit.
It is my belief that 24% of VCR owners have actually used the timer function of the VCR. Now, I think that perhaps 10% of this 24% (2.4% overall) have gone a step further: they have used the VCR timer to record something on a recurring basis. Namely, a Soap Opera. I'm sure they are not reading this blog. Just in case they are, here's a message: Unless you are recording the Young & the Restless (best Soap EVER), you ARE DEAD TO ME. GO WATCH JUDGE JOE BROWN YOU IGNORANT PIECE OF FILTH. PLEASE KILL YOURSELF IN THE LEAST MESSY WAY, OR KILL YOURSELF IN THE MOST MESSY WAY AND SEND ME THE VIDEOTAPE.
Anyone who wished to record Cubs games regularly would fall into the second category - complex recordings. You'd have to REGULARLY record a program on several different channels at several different times ALMOST DAILY; i.e. Cubs games. If you don't know why this is then please see the instructions for killing yourself in the above paragraph. Baseball games appear at different times each day, on different channels. They defy your simplistic view of what makes you successful. YOU ARE A DISMAL FAILURE AT EVERYTHING.
Tivo, however, allows you to be a self-actualized person. If you are wondering what that means, think about this: some people who make the list of self-actualized persons include: Abraham Lincoln, The guy who invented the idea of Self-Actualization, and Einstein (fucking barely). So get Tivo. You don't want to end up some loser like William Shakespeare or Muhammed Ali or Mother Theresa, do you?? HUH BITCH? I didn't think so.
Where the hell was I going with this? Oh yeah, the Cubs. Tonight, they won against the Marlins (who they flubbed against so bad in 2003 as to ruin a chance of going to the WORLD SERIES - 9 outs away or something) - 14 to NOTHING.
Sergio Mitre: used to suck a bit. Now: 5 hits, a couple of grounders, scored, I think an RBI (don't hold it against me if that's not true, I'm really drunk), and no runs. And pitched 9 innings. And that bested his last start, also an impressive win. DAMN STRAIGHT.
The coaster hasn't moved.
END OF LINE.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
YATR used to be the best soap on TV, totally. But when they replaced Ashley, Jill and Jack years ago, and Victor said, "Now who is ruthless, you despicable sonofabitch? NOW WHO IS RUTHLESS?" to Jack, it totally jumped the shark. I got into One Life to Live at my last job, but I wish I had "learned" General Hospital instead. That show is a total bloodbath. And no hospital. Just vendettas... And now with Kari Wuhrer!
Sergio Mitre's ability as a player in inversely proportional to his hotness. Sure, he's okay looking still, but when he sucked? HO BABY.
G
i am reading your damn blog and you will be shocked and horrified to find out that i have switched soaps! that is right-no more general hospital in this house. i gave up on it when that damn kelly monaco began taking over dancing with the stars. so, after a good week of watching almost every soap on tv-i am a y & r freak! i do think it is a great soap. it is more realistic (that is a ridiculous statement to make about a soap isn't it?). i mean, there are no witches mixing mysterious brews to take over some crazy city, or sisters and brothers falling in love, or hot sultry vampires stalking the innocent. the only fault i can honestly find in y & r is the fact it is in genoa city wisconsin. come on. like wisconsin has that many beautiful people living in a town the size of genoa city. milwaukee maybe. and a cosmetic firm? right. i was shocked when i found out kohler water fixtures were made in wisconsin! and now i am to believe cosmetics?
Post a Comment